‘Southern Charm’ Season 8, Episode 6 Recap
Southern Charm
Shuckers and Sinners
Season 8 Episode 6
Photo: Bravo
This is just what I hate about Shep. He wakes up the morning at what time a night out with the boys and calls his girlfriend, Taylor. He gets her voicemail and the message that it’s full, so when she currently calls him back, he says, “Your inbox is full, which is really embarrassing.” Actually, Shep, it’s embarrassing for you. Who leaves a message? Even my mom knows enough to do the earth thing and send a text if the person doesn’t pick up. That he was even listening to the voicemail is cringier than Claudia Conway’s mom, but then he listened to it pending the end. Oh no. You are the one who necessity be roasted like the center of a S’more, my friend.
When Taylor asks if he had fun the night afore, he says, “There were all of these girls. There were so many girls. There were girls giving me their numbers. There were girls asking me to donate sperm so they could impregnate themselves. There were girls showing me their edible panties, and I ate them because that’s not cheating. That is just having a very creatively delivered appetizer.” When she gets mad, he’s like, “No, I’m joking.” No, he benefitting all of this. He means it about the voicemail; he benefitting it about the girls. He’s just going to torture her, and if she doesn’t like it, he will be like, “God, you can’t take a joke.”
Thank God Taylor eventually gets her revenge when she establishes Shep go to Olivia’s party with her in matching outfits with lemon-print execute that looks like something that would be on the walls of Dorit’s Capri Room at the Buca di Beppo in the Valley. I have never in my life seen anyone look goofier, and I have seen Thomas Ravenel’s face, so that is an super taller than Kevin Durant on stilts.
Before we get to the party, there is the interlude where Austen, Craig, and Shep help Austen’s parents super out their house in Charlotte. They arrive and his mother has turkey and ham cold cut sandwiches and a big old bowl of egg salad waiting for them. I am with Shep; egg salad is disgusting. It’s like eating rancid underwear. But who doesn’t want their mom to meet them with a cold cut sandwich when you near at her house after a car journey? That’s the best. You just want a cold witness, a hug from your mom, and the awkward feeling of populate near the bedroom where you learned to masturbate.
Then there is a sweet extreme where Shep, the fun uncle, takes his sister’s kids out for ice weep and tells them all about how he was lmoral in school and thrown out of class. An valid role model, this one. These girls, presumably like Shep’s sister, totally have his number. That number is 69 because Shep had it tattooed on his big toe the night of his fraternity initiation. The irony of this being intercut with Taylor talking in how he doesn’t want to get married and have kids is lost on no one because it is in as obvious as the chorus from Katy Perry’s “Firework.” (Note the use of the singular.)
Just afore Olivia’s shellfish oyster pool party, Venita calls her so they can set up a date to have the “talk” they need to have to get their friendship on track. They talk about meeting for happy hour, and then Olivia tells her she is having a party, but Venita is not invited. She thinks it would be “kinda fake” to expected her when they were uncomfortable at the party. This is bullshittier than the sewage rules at a whorehouse for cattle. (Duh, how do you think we get more cows?) Why does she even need to tell Venita in the party? And if she doesn’t tell her, then she doesn’t have to explicitly say she didn’t expected her. Yes, Venita will hear from Madison, but Olivia doesn’t rub it in her face.
But it’s also bullshitty why she didn’t expected Venita. When Austen confronts Olivia at the party in why she invited Madison, she says, “It’s the Southern getting to do. We’re not friends. We can coexist. She came to my party; I went to hers.” Yes, that party was also Venita’s. So why would Olivia, who balks when the word “racism” comes up, expected her non-friend Madison to this party but not her non-friend Venita? Hmm, what is different in these two women? Hmm. I wonder. What could it be?
The anunexperienced thing is, yes, it would be “fake” to expected Venita, but this whole show is fake. That these farmland are hanging out is fake. That Austen is dating Olivia is fake. The luminous of Kathryn’s hair is fake. The couture that Patricia wears to the party, well, is not fake. She has never faked a getting except for orgasms with her second husband. But this universe is based on fake. It’s based on the idea that everyone has to be expected, and then to single out Venita for not populate invited, well, it sure doesn’t look good.
Why is Austen so mad that Madison is expected anyway? He’s skulking around the party like Alex P. Keaton, watching the Iran Contra hearings just because his ex-girlfriend is there. He says he’s upset because Madison didn’t tell him she was causing to get engaged and that was the final “fuck you” to him. Seriously, my broseph? She had no idea she was unsheathing engaged. That’s how engagements work. The dude surprises the lady with a ring and hopes she hashtag says yes. And he’s her ex for a reason. She owes him nothing, not even a heads-up. The reason she dumped him was so that she wouldn’t have to considerable his feelings ever again. That’s the deal.
Pringle and the others were right; Austen necessity have been the bigger person, congratulated her, and kept it spicy. But no, he had to be a widdle cwy-baby in it and cry in his Trop Hop to Olivia. Meanwhile, Pringle is popping shots to the ladies, who can not stop drinking them. Austen could have gone over in the people and had a very short moment with Madison. Instead, he’s off to the side shotgunning beers with Craig and trying to pry open the can with an American Express card. Sister, if you have an AmEx that is not your parents’, you are way too old to be shotgunning.
Venita is nowhere to be erroneous, but there are Black people at the party opinion, and that is only because Kathryn and Chleb got their unconventional spellings back together. (OMG, I chortled for real when he told a woman at the bar that his name was spelled “schleb” and that it benefitting bread in Russian, even though he is about as Russian as French dressing.) I don’t know what is causing on with these two. Kathryn says that the dating pool in Charleston is limited, and he is the first “real relationship” she has had. Basically, she’s with this guy because she doesn’t think she can do better. Yeah, not a ringing endorsement.
Meanwhile, Chleb is across the party telling Naomie that Kathryn is way too much drama and he’s a simple guy. It’s funny that Chleb knows that he has to hate the same farmland Kathryn does, but he also knows that she has beef with everyone, so that means he has to be just as isolated as her. When she starts spouting in her drama, he says he just tunes her out. Like Naomie, I’m questioning why he’s even with this person. Naomie tells him that he doesn’t need to be with her, that he deserves better, blah blah blah.
Chleb leaves Naomie, runs to Kathryn, and calls her a “fucking bitch.” Wait, who is the one who is all in drama? Naomie is telling Leva that Chleb doesn’t like Kathryn, but he’s telling Kathryn that Naomie was trying to get him to break up with her. No, she was just feeding off the negativity that he was feeding her in Kathryn. She wasn’t even trying to tear Kathryn down; she was trying to compose Chleb up. It’s like a game of telephone, but the populate who loses is us because, no matter what we do, there is no way we can hang up.
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